Saturday, May 11, 2013

Living the Risk-free Life



Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing. --Benjamin Franklin.


I absolutely love this quote.  As a mantra for daily living, it involves everything that I think is essential to successful living. It requires determining your purpose and focus.  It involves taking a risk and moving head-on into the challenges of life.  It also involves sharing what is learned and serving others through my favorite media, writing. While I've always had a basic belief in living life to the fullest, I can't truthfully say that taking risks has always been a part of that.

When I was a little girl, my favorite fairy tale was Goldilocks and The Three Bears. You remember the story don't you? She sits in one chair and it is too big and she sits in another chair and it is too small. She finally sits in a third chair and it is JUST RIGHT! I can't tell you how strongly I identify with this little girl who is trying to get everything in her life 'just right'. Much of my life's goal has been to fly below the radar and take the comfortable risk-free path.  While the idea that following a certain path would take me to my destination without any mistakes is quite appealing, I frequently have to remind myself how unrealistic that is. After all, even Goldilocks had to try out a few options before she got it just right!

Recognizing that living a purposeful, intentional life involves making mistakes and taking risks is important because it gives us permission to try different options and to be okay with possible failure. An unwillingness to fail can result in an unwillingness to try and ultimately an unwillingness to move beyond the status-quo. Doing something worth writing about by necessity involves taking a chance and risking failure.  The lesson for myself and Goldilocks is that being concerned with getting everything just right is really...just wrong.

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Saturday, May 4, 2013

The One Thing You Can Do to Decrease Stress and Improve Your Life

Smile 2
Smile 2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are there people in your life who always seem in a bad mood?  Maybe it's a co-worker.  Maybe it's someone in your family.  Maybe it's YOU?  What if I could tell you a simple, one-step, one-action cure for this problem?  What if I could tell you something that you could do that is such a basic biological action that even babies in the womb do it?  What if I told you that simply by doing this you could significantly increase your life span, improve your mood and relieve stress while appearing more likable, courteous and competent? Even better, what if I told you you wouldn't have to change your diet or increase your activity level?  Oh yes, and it's completely free!

You'd think I was kidding right?  Watch Ron Gutman giving his TED talk in the video below.






While some of the research he reports seems amazing, even unlikely, I bet if you really think about it you know that a smile can make a significant difference in a person's interactions with others.  I see it everyday in my work.  Teachers who smile at students first thing in the morning as they come into the classroom and through out the day as they teach not only have improved interactions with the students in their classrooms but are also perceived as better teachers by parents and peers.  Gutman reports research that validates this;  people who smile appear to be more likable, courteous and competent. In addition, smiling is contagious, so simply by smiling you can improve the mood of everyone you come in contact with.

Children are naturals at smiling.  Gutman reports that many children smile more than 400 times a day!  No wonder just being around a young child can lift our spirits and give us a new attitude.  

Smiling arouses emotions in our brain. We feel better when we smile because the act stimulates the brain reward mechanism.  According to Gutman, one smile creates the same positive brain stimulation as eating 2,000 bars of chocolate or as receiving $25,000 in cash!  We can feel rich everyday with very little effort and no additional calories!  Smiling increases mood enhancing hormones such as endorphin in our brain, relieves stress and can reduce blood pressure.

What amazing power we all have with such a simple activity!  Are you using this ability to your advantage?  If you tallied how many times you smiled today what would you discover?  

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Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Four Mindsets that Keep Us Stuck

Cover of "Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazin...
Cover via Amazon
 Life is like a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving. Albert Einstein

One of my favorite books is Who Moved My Cheese?  I especially like the children's version with it's colorful pictures and clever text. I read the story in classrooms and discuss the behavior of the four characters with children. It is the story of two mice, Sniff and Scurry and two little people, Hem and Haw who are camped out in a maze in the midst of an abundance of cheese.  They are all enjoying the cheese, however there is a dramatic difference between the mindset of the characters in the story.

Are You Hem and Haw or Sniff and Scurry?



Sniff and Scurry think ahead and  plan for the obvious;  the cheese won't be around forever.  Even before the cheese is gone they begin preparing to move forward and look for more cheese.  They develop a strategy and begin the difficult task rather than waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Hem and Haw have a different mindset.  Not only do they not realize that the cheese is dwindling down but they also have an expectation that someone else will replace the cheese and continue to supply it once it is gone.  They are oblivious to the problem looming on the horizon and are taken by surprise when they arrive one morning for their daily nourishment and find that there is no cheese to be found.  They are furious and distressed over their situation, yet they continue waiting in the same spot day after day for more cheese to magically appear.

Do you see yourself in this story? Are you expecting that status quo will stay status quo?  Are you resisting the changes, the transitions in your life?  Or are you developing a plan and mapping out a strategy?  At the end of the day, will you say, "I'm glad I did" or "I wish I had"?  While getting started is an action step, many times it is our internal mindset that prohibits us from taking that first step.

Four Mindsets That Keep Us Stuck

The first mindset that can become a roadblock and keep us stuck is:

• Not knowing what we want. If we haven’t yet set a goal it’s hard to achieve one. Many times we distract ourselves by identifying so many possibilities that we are overwhelmed with the choices. We say things like, “I could do anything…if I only knew what it was that I wanted to do.” Not pinning down a goal can become an excuse for not moving ahead, for not taking action. Pick one or two ideas and put 100% of your effort into achieving it. Sniff and Scurry knew exactly what they wanted and unlike Hem and Haw they took action.  Hem and Haw however had a different problem...

• We know what we want but we are afraid to go for it. We are afraid we may fail. We have a desire, a goal, but we are afraid we may be turned down, rejected or embarrassed if we don’t achieve it. We may put forth a small effort to no avail. We say things like, “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” We are actually cheating ourselves with this one.  The resources in our lives are often available, if we will only recognize them and make use of them. Failure is not an indication that we can't reach a goal.  It is only an indication that we may need to take another path.  Sniff and Scurry tried lots of different paths to the new cheese before they found the right one.  Sometimes it isn't failure that we're afraid of though...

• We are afraid of success. Just as fear of failure can paralyze us, so can fear of success. What if we don’t really know what to do, how to act, how to perform? What if we are overwhelmed with the responsibility of success, the amount of time and energy that it requires? What if we are successful and it turns out not to be what we expect it to be? Again our internal voice is paralyzing us with what if questions. We may say, “What if I succeed and they expect me to know everything and then find out I don’t?” We fail to recognize the flexibility, the power and the control that we have in any given situation.  Finally...

• We know what we want but we don’t know the steps, the path, and the way to achieve it. This is a research question. There is always someone who has gone before us in all that we do. In this digital age there are resources available everywhere, we just have to goggle it!  We need to find a role model and connect with them to discover how they were successful. We can then design our own way.



Sound like a daunting job? It is difficult but not impossible. Roadblocks can be challenged and the road paved for success. Don’t let fear of success or failure, lack of a focused goal or lack of knowledge keep you from making that first step forward.



It doesn’t matter if you are on the right track. If you are sitting still, you will get run over.  Will Rogers

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